NOTE: I actually wrote this last May 15, 2010 and it took me a few  years before I finally decided to break off my 9-year relationship. I am sharing this to make women all around the world understand that letting go might be difficult because of so many memories to hold on to, hoping that things will still go the way we want it to be. But hey, sometimes, you gotta learn when to say It’s Over, and when to stay. 

single1

I hate being alone. I hate to think that I will be on my own all the time.

Yesterday, Mark & I went to Forever Flawless with Jen, who I fortunately (& So happy!) saw walking by herself outside of Sykes. I had the chance to splurge on myself with my salary. No boyfriends, no hassles, no pressures. Just being with friends.

I just thought about it. I’ve been missing out so much on enjoying a time for myself. I felt so pampered and relaxed, not feeling guilty that I am the only one enjoying this moment.

I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years : 4 & a half with my first ever; 1 & a half with my second, & 4 years with my third. The current relationship is now on the rocks. Maybe because I don’t have time for myself. Maybe because he cannot go out as much with friends. There are a lot of things I could pinpoint to blame our situation, but it’s not going to do me any good. It’s not just working out the way it used to be.

I feel that he isn’t happy, & I don’t feel fulfilled in our relationship. I’ve been thinking that he might not be the man for me. Living together does have its advantages. You find out something about him, and I used to think that I could accept it and make a compromise. Realizing, that he isn’t going to do a compromise & won’t be doing it all throughout the relationship.

I believe we are in the level of being in a limiting relationship. I have to admit that if the relationship is limiting, & not making the best out of you, I don’t think it’s going to be a good one in the next years to come.

I am taking one step at a time, every day, because I don’t want to make a wrong decision. I want to weigh things, think about the pros & cons if I do embark on this SINGLE thing. It is a sad story, I know. It could have been wonderful, not necessarily perfect.

I just keep on praying that if I choose to leave the relationship, I will be strong enough to face the world without a boyfriend.

Anyway, I have friends to turn to. And maybe get to know them a little more better.